On Labor Day 2018.
Daily, my dedication to labor dwindles.
I am tired and dampened.
The rising and swelling pregnancy in me grows heavy
I can feel that weight before birthing.
And, I feed me mindsets of beauty,
Moments of touching my cat,
Thanking my husband,
Humbled by the loveliness and peace of our home.
The grief and desire equal,
My searing sadness both holds me and drives me.
My voice has stayed silent but for private talk.
It’s time for the damn of my discernment to burst and release.
I pray that I am not loud and brash.
There’s so much bound up that I could bray bravely and bluntly.
But, it has to count for as much as I can muster.
So, endlessly, appropriately,
I begin thinking and writing the essence so that, when the opening appears, I am light, appealing, shining and luminous.
Because that is the truth which fires my invitation to dispel the dark with the immediate influence of good.
My labor has been somewhat unseen. So much synthesis in my mind.
But, relentlessly moving, expanding, sorting, refining…until now, hesitant.
As Dr. Ira Progoff invites in his journaling intensive: “Now, The Open Moment.”
So, I write openly today my Now, The Open Moment.
Labor isn’t always the traditional “Sweat By the Brow.” Labor like mine, is internal. It seems to be wound around my every moment, waking and dreaming. My sweat is handling the images in my memories of threats, destruction, humiliation, punishment, betrayal, rejection and disrespect. And, since I was raised with respect and to be a lady, my movement through it all dancing with it, through it and avoiding fighting it. If I fight, I won’t win because I have no respect for meanness, weapons and harm. And, therefore, little skill with inflicting injury.
Now, I stand for good. Anchored in my marriage and my home.
Now, I speak of what has been forgotten. It was given to me by my Mom and Dad, Calla and Ed.
After WWII, they married and pledged to release relationships with anything which might negatively influence their home and children. They did so very well. But, there was cost. My sister, brother and I were, in that way (like so many), over-protected. When children don’t experience loud voices, bad words, disrespect or patronizing, they are blind-sided by them. And such negativity continues to swell, immerse and drown us in cynicism, suspicion, revenge and rage.
The power of our planet reminds us everywhere of life, growth, beauty and evolution. The generosity of rain pouring right now on our plants and trees is there in the window for me to take in gratitude.
Gratitude. An immediate good which displaces dread.
Thus the effectiveness of the lessons to keep a Gratitude Journal.
You have likely, by now, encountered various messages that, no matter the situation, if we can turn our mind towards good, something gets better.
So, labor…work. No matter the surface appearance or valuation, it is what we can do today. And, that is good.