A Wedding isn’t a Piece of Paper

It’s the month of June which invites weddings.

I am saddened when I hear someone say, “A wedding is just a piece of paper.” It has inspired me, repeatedly, to describe how I view a wedding and a marriage as one of the most precious and powerful human experiences. At last, I wrote a rebuttal. Here is part of that description. Here is a new narrative and new vocabulary.

The Sacred Making of a Marriage

Our Souls Carry a Craving So Old They have Forgotten its Language.

The Soul has a Natural Need to Know it’s Connection with the Brave and Magical.

Threads that Weave Through Humanity’s Journey Went to Sleep.

Our Living Within Legend Vanished ~

So, the Slumbering Psyche Searches for Symbols.

We Want to Play the Ancient Tales in Our Lives of Two-Become-One.

The Wedding Ritual Revives the Romance of Other Legendary Loves.

The Universal and Potent Potential Awaits.

In Their Ecstasy, they May Live an Ageless Story, an Historic Mystery.

The Sacred Making of a Marriage is where Two Become More than Twins.

The wedding rite marks the marvel of birth—

the sacred making of a marriage

where two become more than twins.

The god self in each quickening

to reach deeper for the sake of reverencing the other.

The individuals now become more, to not deprive their lover.

A Daring, Unswerving Commitment to the Soul’s Highest Cause

The marriage may be metamorphosed into newness

through seasons and cycles by a daring, unswerving commitment

to the souls’ highest cause and craving:

to love, ever more, the Beloved.


Dear Jack, I love you more than physical life.

I know that this lifetime is now inadequate for my soul’s purpose without our unity.

~ Heather Carlile

For Jack Waldenmaier on our 3rd Anniversary 07/22/2004.


Leaving the church on our wedding day, July 22, 2001.

Now that Jack is gone, I can see that our marriage was a critical component which gave me proof of knowing, with no reservations, a Great Love between Twin Souls.

I now understand it as the greatest gift I have been given in my entire life.

It made me wise, vulnerable and devoted to loving my man…my best friend and my lover.

While he lived, he was number one. And, from my current vantage point, I also see how my human incapacities deprived me of loving him better.

While you have life, may my words invite you to love your spouse even better.

Love and blessings,




My next post will introduce my Special Wedding Gifts Guide.

Friends have asked me to show them how I create my Symbolic Wedding Gifts. Of course, when I started formalizing the instructions, I got carried away!

Symbolic Wedding Gifts

Starting 14 years ago, with a special wedding in June 2007, I have been creating one-of-a-kind wedding gifts. I customized each gift with the theme and colors of the bride and groom. When they open the present, they discover seven small gifts. Each object represents one of the seven lover’s languages. I am assured that this offering usually touches them both so deeply that they shed tears. My intention is to mirror the sanctity in their marriage. And, each time, I refine the message.



  1. Hi, Heather,
    This evening, when I opened YouTube, your video about the grieving process popped up in the first position. Until now, I have never come across your videos. I found great wisdom and solace in your presentation, as I lost my husband four months ago. He passed after multiple medical complications after a cardiac ablation procedure.
    After I watched your video, I started searching your YouTube offerings, and learning a little bit about you. I noticed that there were no new videos beginning about one year ago, and I wondered why. Once I started reading your .com website, I think I know why.
    I send my heartfelt feelings of love and support as you go through your time of mourning. I’m fairly sure, from my few months of experiencing my own deep grief, that knowledge of the process helps, but does not lessen or sidestep the pain. I send you many good wishes and blessings, and truly appreciate the hour I spent with you on YouTube tonight.
    Take good care of you,
    Respectfully, Susan Catling
    El Cajon, CA

    • Dear Susan,

      Thank you so very, very much. Your message is such a blessing to me. Yes, as you know, the loss of the Beloved brings us to our knees. I haven’t been able to think or talk straight until the last couple of weeks. It’s been 15 months tomorrow. I’m starting to function again. I have peace that it was his time to go and that I am going to be fine. But, I’m still learning to manage our/my home, etc. And, though I have much to do and books to finish, I know that the mourning will never stop completely. Bless you on your journey of finding that place where we get used to living alone. I have my two cats and that is a great comfort.

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