Couples often return for a few sessions after time and events have changed things. For example:
- after the first one-and-a-half years of passion
- after a baby is born
- after stressful changes or events have been resolved
- after about a seven year cycle
- after a move, a job change, an illness, etc.
I will hear from them; they ask for a ‘tune-up.’
One of the biggest changes is how we adapt internally. If we are sensitive to those subtle shifts in ourselves, they can add a bit of the novelty and arousal which keeps a relationship renewed. In a sense, we are more than we were before.
Sometimes the changes have deprived us of a dynamic which we relished and it may be lost for good. Like when we celebrate the arrival of a baby.
For example: Once a young executive came to see me because he was privately alarmed at how he was not feeling happy about his wife’s pregnancy and how they would soon be parents even though it was the fulfillment of a mutual goal.
They had a beautiful marriage and had been grateful for their years of intimacy, work and international travel together. They agreed that it was time for their first child. But, he hadn’t considered that he was losing the relationship and the lifestyle that had meant the world to him for many years.
So, he came to talk to me. And, as we worked to help him examine his losses and the stages of grief, it made sense to him. He left with the turmoil validated and healthy so he could work through the losses and be joyfully ready when his baby arrived.
I was able to mentor him how he couldn’t be happy yet because first he needed to grieve.
Sometimes a relationship update conversation with your counselor is a fast forward to even more confidence, gratitude and love.
Have you experienced one of those bumps in the road? It’s always great to hear from my readers or viewers.