New CEU Class: My Best Methods for Couples

SAVE THE DATE: June 17
1:30pm – 4:30pm with Heather Carlile, MA, LPC-S
THREE Credit Hours for LPC and LMFT
$60 ($70 at the door)

To register, go to: heathercarlile.com/ceu

My Best Methods and Exercises for Couples:

Four Languages for the Intimate Bond, Men are Easy…Women are Complicated, Poisons and Antidotes, Simple and Advanced Genograms, The Parental Portrait and Childhood Wounds, Common Sense Communication with The Three Y’s, The Carlile Marriage Model, Composite Enneagrams, Constructing Cushion Statements, Calling the Question and more.

Heather’s classes always include handouts, access to her online pdf’s and color copies of her models.

N.E. corner of
Campbell and Greenville

Starbucks Coffee Served.

Heather Carlile has been assigned these CEU Provider Numbers for the State of Texas:

LPC CEU Provider #1448
Effective 08/31/07 to present
LMFT CEU Provider #255
Effective 09/12/07 to present

THE CARLILE RELATIONSHIP MODEL

THE CARLILE RELATIONSHIP MODEL

OuchRage: Complicated Grief and Trauma

The LifeStyle Building Building Blocks Model is my synthesis of what research shows are the trusted elements of a healthy and happy life. I devoted myself to a model which would illustrate all elements for our internal abilities and the dimensions of daily life so that there are no blind spots.

The first column on the left illustrates the development of the seven parts of Identity which is the task for adolescent learning.

Then, in the second column those abilities are expressed as our Purpose or the mastery of those talents.

The third column shows examples of how those abilities can be implemented as a part of our Mission or the type of service we offer the world.

The OuchRage Model diagrams the general ways people cope with the deprivation or wounds which are experienced through the growing up years. When these hurts are left unhealed and when grief is avoided or incomplete. Our internal Protector will try to defend from more hurt and will try to avoid the pain with distraction or dissociation or numbing.

Building Blocks of a Healthy Life

Building Blocks of a Healthy Life

 

OuchRage: Hurts & Ordeals Without Healing

OuchRage: Hurts & Ordeals Without Healing

 

 

 

 

 

Fighting – Don’t Waste Your Good Mind

FIGHTING AND THE UNDEVELOPED MIND (HONORING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH): Part of my mission is to help stop fighting. Verbal or physical fighting is something that decent people know how to calm and derail in small children. Then, starting in childhood, we refuse to waste our time and intelligence in conflict. It feels bad. It causes harm.

statuesAIR OUR GRIEVANCES SAFELY: When differences arise, we can learn how to solve the problem by willingness to understand both sides. That means the mental ability to sidestep the need to agree, the need to have control over someone else or their opinions, the use of power to force or assault others or the drive to deliver punishment. The best approach is understanding human or social interaction and how communication works. Our ability to be confident, empathetic and knowledgeable makes it effective and respectful. We can be willing to listen completely and to air our grievances safely. We can mentor our children by helping them practice. Some schools implement Peer Mediation or Peer Facilitation prepping the students for thoughtful conflict management through their lifespan.

One Road

One Road

CHESS VS MONOPOLY — INNER EXECUTIVE VS PROTECTOR: Using the Internal Executive Function is like playing Chess in your thoughts rather than Monopoly. Monopoly rides on the randomness of a throw of dice and staying on a linear path and protecting our money and property. Chess offers many possible moves and series of moves.

EGYPT VS DALLAS: It reminds me of my trip to Egypt. When we were taken on a beautiful air-conditioned German bus to The Valley of the Kings, there was just ONE road and it was straight North and South along the Nile River. Contrast that with the options offered to me by my GPS just to get to our friend’s house for dinner; I look at the detours around parks, the traffic, the size of the roads or streets, rush hour, etc. and choose my most effective strategy knowing that it may change during the course of the trip.

Labyrinth of Possible Road Strategies

Labyrinth of Possible Road Strategies

WILLINGNESS TO LEARN: When a couple comes to me for help with their fighting, I am responsible to deliver accurate and practical information. When my clients say, “That makes sense.” Their next words are usually: “What do we do?” They are ready to learn. And, in my field as a marriage counselor, there is always more to learn, more excellence, more refinement, more maturity, more wisdom ahead. I like to think: “If you don’t ask, you won’t know what you are missing.”

MENTAL WOUNDS REQUIRE MORE: This all makes logical sense. And, with information available online, we can find education which suits us. My You Tube Channel has eight one-hour videos on my Couples Communication Guide…free to anyone. However, when I encounter people who were abused or traumatized, pure logic, knowledge and emotional intelligence won’t work. That’s when we need professional guidance.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: In 2000, 1,247 women and 440 men were killed by an intimate partner. In recent years, an intimate partner killed approximately 33% of female murder victims and 4% of male murder victims. Intimate partners committed 3% of the nonfatal violence against men (2003). Intimate partner violence made up 20% of all nonfatal violent crime experienced by women (2001). Approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States (2000). In a 1995-1996 study conducted in the 50 States and the District of Columbia, nearly 25% of women and 7.6% of men were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, or dating partner/acquaintance at some time in their lifetime (based on survey of 16,000 participants, equally male and female) (2000).

LEAVE ABUSE: Here is the link to Belleruth Naparstek’s trustworthy article: How to Leave your Abuser.   If you need help, encouragement or a listening ear, please call me ASAP: 214-636-5889.

PARENTING: Consider how often you hear yourself say: “Well my Dad/Mom did it this way…” We determine the goodness of our children’s lives and relationships by how we behave, solve arguments and help them to find resolutions.

Each time we encounter a child, we are having an impact.