I created this presentation on Family Relationships in response to a special request I received via email. I’ll share it anonymously here because I was so honored by the interest in my work:
Dear Ms. Carlile
I am a Family Counseling, MA student and have seen almost all of your videos on YouTube.
I have a seminar about “The Protocol for the Relationship of Partners with Their Family of Origin.”
I am from Iran, the most prejudiced country of all times.
What I am asking for is a lecture by you (to record a video like the one you have on Youtube) on the topic of relationship protocols with the family of origin, so that I can use it as a reference for my seminar. I have asked you for help since you have quite an all-inclusive knowledge and experience on the topic of marriage and its dynamics.
Thank you for the time you have spent watching my videos. I am interested in creating a video for your topic. Can you give me more details about it, please?
Dear Ms. Heather Carlile
Thank you so much for replying to the mail. I have a presentation for this semester about “Family of Origin Issues,” issues regarding both partners’ background and the influence it puts on their life. … I had references, but having seen your vids and the dexterity and fluency you practice during your lectures, and that is for sure the same with your therapy and dealing with couples issues too, it came to my mind to ask for a similar therapeutic protocol to be presented in the class and this way they meet their goal through a practical and applicable source of knowledge.
I wonder if I have explained what I meant clearly, please let me know.
Faithfully yours and many many thanks in advance for your help.
I am honored to help. And, now, I share the information with those of you who visit my website or my You Tube Channel. You can go to my web page for access to the supporting documents at this address:
I hope this is useful. If you have any comments or questions, I am, as always interested in hearing from you.
Couples often return for a few sessions after time and events have changed things. For example:
I will hear from them; they ask for a ‘tune-up.’
One of the biggest changes is how we adapt internally. If we are sensitive to those subtle shifts in ourselves, they can add a bit of the novelty and arousal which keeps a relationship renewed. In a sense, we are more than we were before.
Sometimes the changes have deprived us of a dynamic which we relished and it may be lost for good. Like when we celebrate the arrival of a baby.
For example: Once a young executive came to see me because he was privately alarmed at how he was not feeling happy about his wife’s pregnancy and how they would soon be parents even though it was the fulfillment of a mutual goal.
They had a beautiful marriage and had been grateful for their years of intimacy, work and international travel together. They agreed that it was time for their first child. But, he hadn’t considered that he was losing the relationship and the lifestyle that had meant the world to him for many years.
So, he came to talk to me. And, as we worked to help him examine his losses and the stages of grief, it made sense to him. He left with the turmoil validated and healthy so he could work through the losses and be joyfully ready when his baby arrived.
I was able to mentor him how he couldn’t be happy yet because first he needed to grieve.
Sometimes a relationship update conversation with your counselor is a fast forward to even more confidence, gratitude and love.
Have you experienced one of those bumps in the road? It’s always great to hear from my readers or viewers.
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P.S. Yes, That’s our cat, Casey, on my desk. He and his sister, Tookie, often assist me with their affection when I’m writing. We adopted them as orphaned kittens from Take Me Home Pet Rescue. And they turned out to be Balinese!